captainchristoph:

I took a philosophy class a few years back in my second semester of college. All in all, pretty fantastic course - my professor was the southern version of Mr. Feeny, the other students around me seemed like an intelligent bunch who actually wanted to be there, and the class was altogether wonderfully thought-provoking. I probably got the most out of this class in comparison to every other college course I’ve taken to date (and yes, I say that now as a university student today, whereas I originally took this class in community college).

For whatever reason, one particular lesson/class exercise stood out the most.

My professor listed a series of things on the board. Some were tangible, like money, shelter, and clothing; others, not as much, like security, religion, and companionship. More were listed (at least a dozen and then some), but I can’t recall it all. The exercise was a class survey of what we believed to be most necessary in life, apart from the most basic needs of human existence (food, water, air, things like that).

So, I took a good look at the board, and had my hand ready to vote for “companionship.” Be it love, friendship, anything of the sort, having company from another is something pretty damn vital, is it not? I had my friends, my family - they were each individually lifelines in their own respects, like braids of a rope wound together. My professor went down the list one at a time, people would raise their hands, and some volunteer from each group would give some representative reason as to why they picked it.

Well, the time finally came when my professor pointed to “companionship” on the board, and there I was, just about to raise my hand (as at least 75% of the rest of the class did), but my hand stayed down. I’d seen something else on the board that caught my eye, right underneath it, and the more I thought about it, the more I agreed with it.

So, the “companionship” group gave their tidbits and we moved onto the next one. I immediately raised my hand, along with only maybe two or three other people in the class altogether. Gotta admit, for a split second I wanted to change my answer back to avoid the weirdness.

The choice under “companionship” was “sense of humor.”

And so came the one-shot Q&A from my professor as to why we believed that this was the most necessary thing in life to have. A few seconds of silence followed, and none of us raised our hands. To be frank, I didn’t even know if I really meant to choose this after all. Either way, I ventured out and took a shot anyways, if just for kicks.

I ended up saying that it’s always important to find the humor in things, despite how awful things might be. To be fair, this was a page out of the book of an acting class for theater I took, because nobody wants to be bogged down with drama. People want to laugh, to have their spirits raised, to know that everything isn’t all doom-and-gloom. I suppose that lesson resurfaced itself here and I discovered that I resonated with it more than I originally thought.

Of course, this got a few laughs from people in the class (nothing mean-spirited, though; I’d have probably laughed myself if I wasn’t grinning dumbly mid-shrug). But my professor instead insisted I go on, that there was more to it. To be perfectly honest, I wasn’t exactly sure where the next words out of my mouth ended up originating from, but out they spilled anyways:

A time comes when everyone ends up alone. Eventually, regardless of the circumstances, you will be by yourself. Instead of relying on others to make you happy, you’ll have to make happiness for yourself. You know; you’ve got to make yourself laugh, even when things are at their worst.

The class became pretty quiet after that, leading me to think I’d just said something monumentally moronic (I was still mostly fresh out of high school and hardly knew what I was talking about anyways). The professor didn’t make a big hoopla out of it, but he did give a sort of grin of approval afterwards, and we moved on with the lesson.

Until somewhat recently, I wasn’t sure if I fully believed my own explanation. All I knew at the time was that it was rational and made a decently valid point. It was a statement I could support, but to support with legitimate conviction was something else, you know? I can’t even claim it to be a conclusion I came to all by myself. My best friend had told me something incredibly similar before (so I guess you could say that stuck), and my mother raised me to be independent and self-sufficient in more ways than one.

But you know what? I support that statement with conviction now. These days, I see too many people whose happiness is validated through others, be it a lover’s love, flocks of admirers (even if they’re strangers), a group of friends, the list goes on and on. I myself, however, have sampled different palates of deprivation at several different times in my life: dwindling friendships, damaged trust, axed infatuations, severed love, so on, so forth. Some of it was self-wrought, or another’s actions, or mutual fault, or things were just lost to the natural flow of the universe, fallen to the wayside. People come, people go; change is the only truly constant thing there is, after all. To make another person the crux of one’s happiness is like playing a game that’s never won, rather you get a little better at it each time you play. Friendships, love, they can last anywhere between an hour and a lifetime. It is a nonrenewable resource that, while perhaps long-lasting, can just as easily become extinguished within a matter of moments, be it by natural causes or otherwise.

I’m a guy with some hellishly strong bonds with the people around him. My family, my friends, I know they’re there for me, and so long as they’re able to, they’ll always be, and I for them. Truthfully, I know that I have personally invested myself into more than one of them to the point that if they are ever beyond my grasp, I will be devastated, likely beyond full recovery. I’m fine with that, as I’d rather be close to these people and risk such pain than distance myself and play it safe.

One’s personal happiness is that which helps maintain one’s sanity should such devastation occur, however. Another person gone from one’s life might lead them into a dark place, but that self-sufficiency, that’s the illumination which keeps them from being swallowed by shadows. It is possible to achieve happiness with another and share it alongside having happiness for oneself, too, and I think that’s something worth remembering. To self-generate happiness, to keep a sense of humor for yourself; that’s the difference between possibly being the last human on earth with nothing to live for, destined to whither away, and the same last human on Earth who can still carry on, even with just that one small thing pushing him forward.

Truthfully, I’m not even positive as to why I felt inclined to type out these ramblings this pleasant evening, but hey, that’s just my nature for you. Much appreciation for reading this through, for anyone who bothered to do so. It’s nice to think I’m not just speaking out into the void, but hey, I guess that’s something to learn from in itself, huh? 

I’m proud to call this guy my best friend.